The Pressure on Working Mothers: Breaking the “Super Manager, Super Mother” Myth

Oh, Mother(s)!

How many times do manager-mothers sigh in despair when they don’t see the end of the tunnel in their infinite line of obligation as mothers, wives, and corporate leaders? And with all reason.

We are witnessing today the most labour-demanding form of mothering the world has ever seen. This level of involvement in children’s lives is without precedent. Ironically, this happened precisely when women began to work in significant numbers and to achieve high positions.

A couple of decades ago, parents were rarely expected to show up at their children’s school events or drive them from one after-school activity to another. Mothers were not yet expected to attend every sports game, every performance, and every birthday celebration. And they were certainly not expected to do all that while building a demanding career.

The Illusion of “Having It All”

Today, women are urged to aspire to leadership at the highest level, yet they are told they can “have it all,” only to feel fatally flawed if they do not.

FOMO constantly lingers over them, as absence even from the least remarkable events has its consequences—as if the measure of a mother’s love were counted in hours spent at the side of a football field or at the back of a school auditorium.

Social media has only intensified the pressure. Posting the event has become more important than the event itself. Mothers now compete with photoshopped and surreal birthday parties and picture-perfect family outings. Whatever they do, they can never be as good as the other mothers they see on their screens. The image of motherhood, just like the image of womanhood, has become a performance—an exhausting one, demanding constant proof of devotion, beauty, and success.

The “Supermother” as the New Photoshopped Model

I am a mother of two (now adults) and have a long career in management behind me. I lived through those decades when women had to fight to earn equal footing, not only in management but in the workplace in general.

How many times have we read impressive articles in glossy magazines about women who are super-managers, super-mothers, and, judging by the photos, supermodels? On the one hand, they are profoundly irritating to flesh-and-blood women who are managers and mothers at the same time. On the other hand, nothing sets back women’s equality in the workplace more effectively.

The same happens with the super-manager-super-mother ideal. These women, displayed as proof that perfection is attainable, are the managerial equivalents of the photoshopped models in fashion campaigns. They make the rest of us feel as if we were constantly failing—failing to be perfect professionals, perfect mothers, perfect wives, and perfect human beings.

The Reality Behind the Ideal

My personal experience: I am a mother of two, I used to be a manager, and I also tried to look good. I was mostly happy when I was not neglected, and I was either a good manager or a great mother. I am truly grateful, however, that I had the chance to be both—not at the same time, though.

I focused on my career before my children were born, when ambition was my natural language. Then, when my children were born, I became a full-time mother for several years. I was there when they made their first steps, when they started to speak—the most beautiful time of my life.

When I eventually returned to work, I assumed the not-so-super mother/manager role. I could not spend as much time with my children as I wished, but we had help. My parents were there, and my loving husband—a busy manager himself—never hesitated to roll up his sleeves and take his share of the tasks. Together, we made sure our children were loved and well cared for.

I would never pretend, however, that I was the best mother on Earth while also being a full-time manager. No one can be. And yet, this is the illusion so many women are sold—that there is some miraculous balance to be achieved if only one tries hard enough. Instead of a balance, there is only a constant trade-off between your work and your family.

The New Trap

Social expectations and media glorification have created a new version of an old trap. Women are told to reach higher, lean in, and never stop, while simultaneously being judged for every moment they are not physically or emotionally available at home.

The modern narrative tells us that the ultimate woman leads at work, bakes cupcakes at night, attends every event, and posts the perfect family photo by morning. And when she fails, she must smile graciously and pretend she is thriving.

But perhaps the time has come to stop pretending.

There is no other way to get off this accelerated hamster wheel than to be clear about our priorities. These priorities should come from the heart, not make others think we are the most wonderful people on Earth. We must have the courage to push back against these expectations that have little to do with what truly matters to us.

Choosing What Truly Matters

You are a wonderful being if you chose to be a mother and delayed or limited your career. You are equally wonderful if you choose your career and accept help in caring for your family. Do not punish yourself for not being perfect on all fronts—nobody is. Choose your priorities consciously, and live in peace with the decision.

We often say that life is too short for many things. But in truth, for most of us, life is comfortably long enough to focus on many important things. But not on all of them at the same time.