Learnings from a Feedback-giving Training

Why the Leaders Who Need Training the Most Never Show Up

(and How One Feedback Workshop Went Terribly Wrong)

This story comes directly from one of my executive coaching clients — and it perfectly illustrates a fundamental truth in leadership development, feedback culture, and employee engagement.

During the annual Employee Engagement Survey, a skip-level manager received noticeably lower scores from her team than from her peers. A healthy leadership reaction would have been to pause, reflect, and ask:
“What am I doing that my employees experience differently than my colleagues do?”

But that is not what happened.

Instead, she concluded that the issue must lie with the team — because, in her words, “they don’t know how to give proper feedback.”

And so she organised a feedback training.

A feedback workshop that backfired

At first, the team was genuinely excited. A safe space to talk openly about team culture, leadership behaviour, and communication challenges sounded promising.

The surprise came when both the skip-level manager and an HR representative joined the session.

The situation worsened quickly.
Not only did the two of them attend — they actively commented, corrected, and questioned participants.

One employee shared a thoughtful observation:
that the company culture leans heavily toward negative feedback, while positive achievements are often taken for granted and rarely celebrated.

The HR representative interrupted her:
“Yes, but the achievement points and thank-you cards — those work well, don’t they?”

This instantly shut the conversation down.

Another moment felt like being back in a school classroom:
When the trainer showed the company’s mission, vision, and values, the manager began quizzing employees:
“Where exactly have you seen these before? Do you recognise them?”

The team described it as taking an exam, not attending a developmental workshop.

The missed opportunity

Without the manager and HR present, the team could have spoken openly about:

  • what is missing from leadership

  • how communication currently feels

  • what psychological safety looks like in reality

  • what support they need

  • how feedback could actually work

The trainers could have helped the team express concerns diplomatically, constructively, and professionally — shaping feedback leaders could act on.

But in this environment, authentic feedback culture was impossible.

This is one of the biggest mistakes organisations make when trying to improve leadership communication and team engagement:
creating the appearance of dialogue while removing the conditions that make dialogue possible.

The leadership paradox

As a leadership trainer and executive coach, I sometimes wonder whether we are teaching things everybody already knows. Our clients who attend coaching and leadership training are often fantastic leaders already — curious, reflective, and eager to get better every day.

They show up because they value growth:

  • they ask for feedback

  • they attend leadership programmes

  • they invest in coaching

  • they want to strengthen their leadership skills continuously

And then I hear stories like this one.

I always find myself asking:

Where are the managers who actually need leadership training?

Because here is the paradox of leadership development:

The best leaders attend training to get better.
The worst leaders avoid training because they believe they already are better.

The autocratic, self-focused, self-assured managers — the ones who genuinely need to learn about empathy, communication, trust-building, and psychological safety — rarely show up. They assume they already know everything. They believe development is for others.

And ironically, their teams pay the price:
with low engagement, high stress, silent dissatisfaction, and poor results.

If you want better leadership, change who’s in the room

A strong feedback culture and high employee engagement require leaders who are willing to be uncomfortable, to listen, and to learn.

Real leadership growth starts when leaders can say:
“Maybe the scores are telling me something important.”

Until then, organisations will continue investing in the wrong people — training those who are already good, while the ones who desperately need development quietly avoid it.